Irregularities
by Ten-Faced
Summary: There's fairytales. Then, there's reality. Ah, well, both have happy endings, so it's all good. Kaito/Miki, for Mipiko.


Christmas gift fic for Mipiko, who wrote me one.

Rated 'T' for swearing. Only twice or so. . .

* * *

_Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess, and a handsome prince, both of whom loved each other very, very much. But alas, they lived far, too far away from each other, and as such, could rarely gaze into the eyes of their beloved outside of the annual Starlight Ball._

_As such, they used a faithful messenger to run back and forth between them, carrying their words of love and affection diligently._

**~iea~**

As Miku ran through the snow, puffing and red-faced from all the exercise she was forcing her body to go under, she thought that she would kill any carollers, especially if they started to sing 'Jingle Bells'. Or, for that matter, 'Twelve Days of Christmas'.

Stupid snow. Stupid lovers. Stupid Christmas.

Panting, she dragged her wet and frozen feet up to the familiar door and rung the bell.

Kaito opened the door in an instant. "Well?" he demanded.

Miku took one last gulp of breath, trying to heal her aching, protesting lungs with the fresh burst of oxygen, and began to recite the long, hatred-filled reply. "She says, 'Kaito Shion, you are the world's most inconsiderate jerk! You know how Miku's favorite song to sing is 'World is Mine'? Well, you're just like the male version of that girl! (No offence, Miku.) You're arrogant, obnoxious, stupid, ridiculous, vain, and I can't believe that you forgot!'"

The blue-haired boy snarled, gritting his teeth, and Miku got ready to duck should she have to avoid any flying objects. The last time, Miki had chucked a can of hairspray, a pair of scissors, a hairdryer and a sock filled with lots and lots of loose change before she'd calmed down. Miku had been hit in the stomach with everything but the scissors.

He didn't throw anything. Instead, he gave her a message to take back. Of course, heaven forbid that he actually do the smart thing and call, text, or Facebook her. No, they just absolutely, positively _had_ to make use of their poor, mutual friend who had been caught up in the unfortunate effects of their ridiculous, over-lengthy and unfriendly debate. "Well, you go and tell her that I was caught up with life! Life isn't a romance novel, where I can just throw everything down and still live in happy rainbows and castles! Tell her to wake up, stop dreaming, and face reality, because even if I love her, I can't give up my life for her!"

"Anything else?" Miku asked wearily as she mentally prepared herself to run back. All the way back. Which was about a ten minute run, if she ran in a full sprint without any of the two feet of snow blocking her.

"Yeah. Buy me an ice cream cone, would you? Here's ten bucks. Double toppings, from Iroha's!" Kaito slammed the door.

Miku cursed him and his dysfunctional girlfriend the entire way to Miki's house. What was she, a messenger?!

**~iea~**

_The princess loved him more than anything, yet she was insecure of herself, and of his love for her, because she thought herself unworthy of his feelings. To reassure her, he gladly went through any favors, be they dangerous or difficult, to prove himself and his love._

**~iea~**

"Why," Kaito sighed as he walked into the living room where his girlfriend waited for him. "Are you snooping around my phone?"

Miki raised an eyebrow, but put his phone down. "No reason," she said nonchalantly. "Just curious."

"Uh-huh," Kaito didn't bother questioning. "C'mon, the movies will start soon."

He didn't know what Miki did to his phone until after the date was over and he was at home, when she texted him.

It wasn't exactly the contents of the message. . . it was more of what the contact's name had been changed to. From a simple 'Miki Hiyama', it had been changed to 'My most beloved girlfriend, Princess Miki Sfarzo Esmeralda Cherrim Maraschino Hiyama of the SF-A2 Planet.'

The next time Miki checked his phone, it had been changed back to 'Miki Hiyama'. _Well_. The _nerve_ of that guy.

**~iea~**

_The two lovers shared everything. They knew the contents of each other's hearts like they knew their own, and had within them a natural partnership to face life and the difficulties it presented_.

**~iea~**

"One super-sized, triple sundae with all the works, to stay!" Kaito chirped to the employee.

"_And_, with extra maraschino cherries, _please_," Miki added, nudging Kaito's side. _Hard_. He'd have a bruise there later, if not a few cracked bones. Her elbows were sharp.

The newly hired employee blinked. "Oh, are you sharing that?"

"Sure," Kaito smiled as he paid.

"I don't consider that sharing," Miki made a face as they were served the ice cream on a platter the size of a shield from the Middle Ages. "I consider that as 'I'm-on-a-diet-and-you're-making-everything-worse-by-subjecting-me-to-temptation.'"

"Oh, stop complaining," Kaito dug into the sweet treat with vigor and a large spoon. "You get the cherries, don't you?"

"Hmph," Miki began to pick up her beloved maraschino cherries, and then stopped to slap Kaito's hands. "Watch it! You're vacuuming up the cherries, you endless pit!"

**~iea~**

_The princess' parents approved of this prince and his good manners, his charming personality, and his chivalrous ways._

**~iea~**

"I can't believe you said that," Miki ground out. "_Right in front of my dad."_

"How was I supposed to know?" Kaito demanded.

Miki wheeled on him, red eyes blazing like a furnace fire. "Hmm, I don't know, maybe because _that's what I've been telling you for the last year we've been_ _dating_? You _know_ my dad doesn't like swearing! He disapproves of it! Hates it! Abhors it! Despises it from the pit of his very heart!"

"It was a ridiculous thing! Even _he_ admitted that the clown trying to go to the funeral to cheer things up was stupid!"

"So you go up, tap the mourning people's shoulders, and say, 'Excuse me, what the fuck is this shit?'"

"It was the stupidest idea in the world!"

"You didn't even _know_ anyone there!"

"The dead guy would have wanted me to stand up for his final party!"

"It's a _funeral_, you dim-witted moron! _Not_ a party!"

"Which is why there shouldn't be a clown there!"

"Argh!"

**~iea~**

_The princess, having such legendary beauty, was often sought by others who were enchanted by her. Each time, the prince defended his love and defeated his opponents easily. Each time, the princess fell impossibly, even more in love with him._

**~iea~**

The phone rang. Kaito, who had just dressed in his sleeping wear, picked it up. No one wanted to phone Nigaito or Taito, Kikaito had his girlfriend's phone should anyone need him, and Akaito had a cell. The call had to be for him, then, with the process of simple elimination. "Hello?"

"YOU MORON! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!"

Yeah, it was for him. "What did I do this time, Miki?" he asked.

"You broke Piko's arm! _His arm_! How the hell is he supposed to play soccer with a broken arm, Kaito?!"

"He's not," Kaito replied, ruffling his hair with a towel. "And in the time where he's not running around like a hooligan, he can reflect on just what he did wrong by trying to ask you to go with him to the dance after he won the game."

He swore that Miki let out steam from under her head, and managed to send it somehow across the lines and into his phone. Despite the impossibility of that, Miki would be the one to manage. "We're friends. _Friends_."

"He's a guy, who happens to be a teenager," Kaito kept his voice light. "No girl is only a 'friend' to a normal male teen."

On the other side of the conversation, Miki tried to refrain from crushing her cell phone. Then, she began to tell him in perfect essay format just how many ways he was a jealous, controlling boyfriend who was stereotypical and rude.

Meiko looked at her husband while she ate. "I'm not touching this with the proverbial ten-foot pole," she warned. "It's the father's job to make sure his baby girl's safe, anyways."

Professor Hiyama sighed, and dug into his dinner like it was his last meal. There was a very high chance that it could be. "Those two make me feel like I'm a hundred years old."

"Nonsense. You hardly look a day over fifty."

**~iea~**

_Even if sometimes, the world seemed to be opposed to their love, they stuck through and to each other._

**~iea~**

Miku stomped on Kaito's toes, and yanked Miki's ahoge. "Enough!"

They both glared at her. "What?"

Miku held up her paper. "Do you realize just how many times you guys have fought? The yearbook committee is making a category in the couple's section just for you guys!"

Kaito squinted. "'Most likely to kill each other,'" he read out aloud.

"Yeah, and the candidates are either you two, or Taito and Kiku."

"We're against them?" Miki made a face. "Man, we'll never win!"

"Miki!" Miku tried to refrain from swearing in school with the vocabulary that was about to bubble out of her lips. "That's _not_ a good thing!"

"Sure it is," Kaito slung an arm around his redheaded girlfriend's neck casually, yet lovingly. "Winning is always good."

On second thought, maybe letting them kill each other was a good thing.

**~iea~**

_Each other's choices were well-respected, and they often had long, gentle, playful arguments about whose choice would be the one used. They fought for each other's choices rather than theirs._

**~iea~**

"We're watching Momo's Cooking Channel!"

"No way in hell am I going to suffer through two hours of girlish giggling by that pink moron! We're watching that action movie starring Gakupo Kamui and Luka Megurine!"

"Um, and have to suffer through him taking off his shirt to flash some muscles he worked up just barely an hour ago? I don't think so! And don't even get me started on Luka and her fake boobs!"

"Did you just imply that I have a thing for Gakupo Kamui? And her cleavage is totally real!"

"Just imply? No, I think I heavily hinted it! Now shut up and give me the remote!"

"No!"

"We're watching how to make ice cream with an old-fashioned recipe, damn it!"

"And I said no!"

Miku just ate all the popcorn and waited for one of them to give up. In the end, Kaito won and they watched the cooking channel. Miki sulked the entire time, having missed out on the movie where her favorite actress starred with her fiancée.

**~iea~**

_Never did the thought of separation come to the happy couple, who were together till the end._

**~iea~**

"Hey, do you think we should break up?"

All chatter ceased to exist.

Kaito just kept talking, oblivious of the sudden invisible spotlight on them. "I mean, all we really do is fight. . . and argue. . . and occasionally go on dates. . . where we fight. . . ."

Miki looked like she was actually considering the question. "Good point you have there."

"Isn't it?"

A few of the girls were whimpering. "They can't break up," Gumi wailed softly into her hands, and was promptly kicked by Yukari, who was holding tightly onto her desk.

Miku just worked on her math homework. Any second now. . . any second. . . .

"I mean, we could still be friends! All the other people never really get to keep that promise, and it's all just awkward island with them, but I'm sure we could be the first couple in existence to pull it off."

"We could," Miki agreed, eyes rolling as she considered this. "It would be nice, too, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah. . . ." Kaito leaned on the wall.

Miku checked her watch. Three. . . two. . . one.

"Nah!" the two said, and then laughed. "Too much work."

Aria crossed herself in relief.

Others gathered around them, scolding the two for giving them a scare. "Why do you care?" Kaito demanded, while Miki ignored most of them.

Oh, if only they knew that this was a scenario played about a hundred times. . . just not in public.

**~iea~**

_And so they lived happily ever after._

**~iea~**

"We're watching the cooking channel!"

"_NO_!"

**~iea~**

_Err, in their own brand of happiness, that is._

* * *

*-the breakup scenario is something I had nightmares about when there was a couple I fully supported in school. I was in Aria's role.

God, Mipiko, I'm so sorry. . . your fic was awesome and then I just give you something like _this_.


End file.
